To do it for Money or to do it for Love?

One day in 2023, I was thrifting with my close friend in Newport News and she was telling me why she liked my art. She said it was cool because she could tell it was personal to me and resistant to trends. I wasn’t sure if I believed her, and I’m still not sure if I do, but I think about that conversation a lot.

Everyone involved in the upcycling movement occupies a somewhat paradoxical position in that we are making art because we enjoy it but also making it in implicit competition with the fashion industry at large. I started drawing in 1st grade because of my love of comic books and I kept doing it until creating was an essential aspect of day to day life. I started this “brand” because of a call to action I felt due to the fashion industry’s voracious appetite for natural resources. While these motivations conveniently converged to create Sergent Vintage, they are misaligned. One is driven by the love of the game and creating for creations sake and the other is motivated by anger, competition, and an eagerness to change how money is made off of clothing. They are two battling forces and at times, like right now, they paralyze me.

My life has been rather tumultuous lately and I use sewing and painting to relax; I do it everyday. That said it’s more of a way of life than a business model. Yes, I have spreadsheets keeping track of costs and returns, I do markets and fashion shows, and network with likeminded people, but I do not have the wherewithal to hang with the bigger players in the game. I have no staff, I work at the speed of a grandma, I make whatever is on my mind at the moment without much consistency, and my social media engagement has dropped off a cliff since I graduated.

The weird thing is I kind of like it this way. When I was under the gun making clothes to fund my lifestyle in college I made more money, but I felt like what I was making was soulless. What I’m making now has longterm planning and execution behind it and there’s not a final product I’m not proud of or wouldn’t wear (always be suspicious of an artist that doesn’t like their own work).

What I don’t like is my increasingly shrinking inventory or lack of consistency. To be involved in this occupation, side hustle, passion project, whatever you want to call it, is to be in constant questioning of purpose and self worth. More effort equals less dollars ? Less effort and expedited production may get you more money, but where does that leave your soul?

I hope some other artists/vintage vendors have better clarity than me and I hope we can figure it out because we need to if we’re going to achieve our collective goal or reorienting how people buy clothes. For now I will enthusiastically continue waking up at 5 am to pack my truck and drive an hour and a half to sell my clothes in a scorching parking lot; what is life without putting effort into something you care about ?

-Henry